| myself |
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| 09:24pm 22/11/2004 |
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mood:  amused
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sometimes i wish i lived by myself...... their would be alot less tears falling.
i hate not having friends or people who care. it makes be want to wheap and pull out my hair. I wonder when the day will come where i just give up and dont care. give up not playing it tough. i can see it now starting to affect. fuck it all why dont i care? because you didnt!
someone once told me about how people always look for things in the future but we really need to have fun today, because if we keep looking for the future when are we ever going to reach our goal? i think that person is right... |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| 08:18pm 19/11/2004 |
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Fly with me on the moontipped wings of love, amongst the twinkle of the stars and my eyes...
Explore with me the wonders of the night, those breathless moments and fullfillment...
Hold me close and feel passions erupting and burning, fiery in it's evolution and unending in it's cravings...
....i wanna be bad. |
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| 11:42am 24/10/2004 |
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mood:  scared
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I am so scared.. i didn't know silence could mean or feel so much. |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| 11:25pm 23/10/2004 |
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Kiss2039: suck my balls
Amandamar222: been there done that
Amandamar222: lick lick
wow never been this excited in a while! southpark marathon! soo funny!!! ahhh lmao or how ever it is! i wish i could watch them all with u amanda =( do u think they have enough comurshals of ggw and than enzyte?
Kiss2039: amanda i think they wnat u to order girls gone wild
amandamar222: been there done that!
Kiss2039: i feal bad for bob
lacrossekey15: its liek buy the porn
lacrossekey15: and if that doesnt work
lacrossekey15: have some of our enzyte |
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| drawers |
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| 09:08pm 20/10/2004 |
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mood:  blah
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I have come to the conclusions that my family and my life are like desk drawers... the outside looks nice but when you look inside the drawers you see what everyone stuffed inside. all the junk, the bad stuff you weren't supposed to see. i believe that everyones family and life are like this... don't you agree? |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| chinese |
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| 11:50pm 17/10/2004 |
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mood:  worried
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this weekend was pretty good...
On friday i had to go to homecoming game which sucked! fuck that shit it was freezing! i hate dancing so much. but after the game i went over to kyles house till like 1130 and we went in his hot tub and stuff. that was fun.
saturday i went to my dads house for it was his birthday. which didnt seem like his birthday at all, i just went over when i woke up at like 11 n i jsut went into my room when i got there. i hate going downstairs at my dads. so than i had max n kyle over and jessica was supost to come over to, but she couldnt. and we were going to go to homecoming but we decided not to, and we had ryan my older brother pick us up. my sister and her friend and my brother and his friend and me n kyle n max all went to the urban ledgends haunted house, which sucked u dont get ur money back, unless we went to a diffrent urban ledgends. but i found it scarry kinda. if you were there you would know wat i mean.
sunday i sat aroudn the house all day. i like doing that alot. and than later kyle came over and we went out to dinner at chinese and we were going to go to a maze but we decided not to cause it wasnt opened. so than we just had my brother take us back to our house n me amy and kyle all watched a movie. it was fun kinda.
o man i hate my family.
you cant miss something you never had, but ive had this before. so it aces even more. i wish i had a better way of showing my pain...
noone is being real.... and the worst part is, they dont know they arnt being real.. theyve know this for so long. |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| 06:23pm 11/10/2004 |
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mood:  drained
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i just want to scream down the street! i jsut want to move away from this all!
I hate being alive. almost Every night, I cry myself to sleep and pray that tommorrow will be a better day. It never is. I can't stand it anymore. I used to cry only when someone died, now I cry every day and every night. I push my friends away, I push my family away, I push everyone that tries to get close to me away, and I seclude myself from the world. |
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Read 8 - Post |
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| kind |
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| 09:47pm 04/10/2004 |
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mood: uncomfortable
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The little girl with the sad eyes looks oddly familiar to me. She's in the same seat everyday, third row, right side, up against the window. With hazel eyes she stares out at a world turned white and grey. She sits there everyday, never speaking, barely blinking, holding her breath as she waits for the crash that she knows is coming. It'll hit like a freight train when she walks through her front door, And she'll cry herself to sleep at night. Nobody knows, Nobody cares, And that's the way she wants it. I sat with her the other day, I watched her as she watched a world turned even greyer by the rain as it streaked by the windows. She's a pretty little girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Long, blonde hair streaked with brilliant highlights from the summer sun, blue eyes with their sparkle gone, small rounded nose, and a pouting mouth.
i know this girl because this girl is me. |
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| class |
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| 01:44pm 04/10/2004 |
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mood:  thirsty
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ah right now iam in class 7th hour n iam waiting for seger to finish his math so i can play my race car game, this class is really boring. i should prob study for my test i have on wed cause its really big but o well. after this i have to drive n than go 2 dance, i hate dance so much i definitly do not! want to go GOD! n i told her i didnt wanna do the homecoming game dance but she told me i have to try it! ahh this week is the last game for football that we have to dance for and i really want to quit but my dad wont let me! i hate this soooo much! |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| dead inside |
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| 09:02pm 03/10/2004 |
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mood:  frustrated
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Times come and times go,
In a never ending continuous flow,
Time can never be tamed,
And yet aspects of it never change,
The arguments of old,
And the countless lies that are told,
They are still here,
They are still near,
We cannot go on and we cannot stop,
One chance is all we’ve got,
We have to live life how we want to,
We say that but it’s never what we do,
We allow ourselves to be stretched thin,
Just bones and blood beneath our skin,
Our demons scream inside our ears,
Scratching out our oldest fears,
But we don’t know how do deal,
With such noticeable things that are not yet real,
We allow our parents to think we know joy,
From broken bits of useless toys,
And tell our friends that we are all fine,
But between sanity and sadness there is no line,
We are forced to live in darkness,
And we are fed on our own distress,
We hunger for the truth and yet our desires are wrong,
When we pity we pity too long,
When we sympathise our gestures are tossed aside,
Like a filthy orphan left alone outside,
We do things that we tell ourselves are for our own good,
But they are just words given to us by those of our blood,
We tell each other that we are one yet we are factions,
We say we need peace when we still do offensive actions,
These are terrible days that never end,
Trapped in this cycle we can’t comprehend,
War and famine and drought are but the start,
Of the havoc to be reaped upon the human heart,
What else must we do to heave ourselves up?
What must we do to free us from this rut?
We have the chance to live our lives free!
To be all we are and all that we can be!
But I don’t, my nightmares are closing in,
Suffocating me from within,
My philosophies lost to those that will never care,
Choking on the rank pollution that clouds the air,
Torn in two between my ideals and my bloodlines,
But no matter what I do I am always outshined,
My time is drawing shorter still,
The hands of the clock moving to the kill,
Seconds blur by me like grains of sand,
That slips from my fingers and falls from my hands,
There’s nothing for me I’m clutching at straws,
All my life lived behind closed doors,
The scars along my arms are burning again,
But burning is not the same as pain,
As long as we feel then we are alive,
To feel my life is all that I strive,
But forbidden from feeling what is not allowed,
I have discovered another means that does not make me proud,
I slice through my skin with a dagger fellow man made,
For my life the ultimate price has been paid,
But still, we cannot be trapped forever can we?
One day we will find a way to be free,
That day will come, I just don’t know when,
I have only myself to blame,
We only live once and I’m dead inside,
Stripped of my dignity and relieved of my pride,
There is no life within,
Just blood in skin,
An empty shell,
That will fall to hell,
Help me,
I can’t see,
My body is cold,
My mind rotting and old,
But still times come and then they go,
On an endless and insatiable flow…
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| superficial? |
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| 12:30am 01/10/2004 |
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mood:  confused
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why are we all so superficial?
 We dont have to be fake. i wish we all could just be ourselves, but we cant, we dont even know ourself. just try look past it! we all guilty of wishing we were someone else or something more. There will always be someone better than you....
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| um yeah |
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| 11:00pm 30/09/2004 |
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mood:  moody
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yesterday was my birthday. i was alright nothing much. people ask me why i didnt tell them it was my birthday, it was because i didnt want to be sad when they forgot.... i had to go dance on my birthday when it was freezing out, it sucked alot. i had a bad day today, acually i do alot. i just want to move somewhere else, there must be a better place. i can never sleep anymore, and if i do fall asleep i cant sleep for to long without waking up agein. i didnt eat anything today, so iam kinda hungry but i dont wanna go outside my room. i watched americas funniest home videos pretty much all today, there really funny! i used to look forward to the weekend, to make it through the week. but now i dont look forward for the weekend, so i dont know wat is going to take me though the week and weekend. i feal really bad cause i get mad at kyle for no reason, n i dont mean to i just do. like ill just get pissed off for no reason n i feal really bad =( i hope he doesnt get to mad. well i didnt study for my science which is fun, o well ill study for it later tonight. maybe... |
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| HEYYYY |
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| 11:16pm 13/09/2004 |
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mood:  artistic
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um yeah, today was okay! i had dance for 2 1/2 hours wich sucked butt! o well! i havent wrote in this thingy in forever. iam so happy iam making new friends at seaholm. okay well iam going buh bye hav ea nice day |
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| bored! |
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| 10:01pm 21/08/2004 |
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mood: happy
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cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I LOVE YOU KYLE!
just about to watch halfbaked n dazed n confused with my sister... call 5630103 |
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| 08:09pm 17/08/2004 |
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mood: cheerful
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hey today i got back from cali! it was so much fun! ahh beste time! i miss you neveen! n neveen i know u miss adam!! =( but today kyle came over n we got soemoent to eat at the club n than we watched sailor moon!! =) SCORE n look whos talking!! i just got my schedual and i have ...... 1. eng team-reednordwall 2. academic lab-mayman 3. photo imag-tincu 4. algebra- price 5. team wd st-rogers 6. col prepscib-tebrake 7. french- vallin! i dont want school to start! poop =( ahh! my knee hurts soo bad!! ahh! i got a bunch of really cute clothes from cali! iam sure ull see them soon! haha! iam watcing music videos right now, ni have ntohing else to say! so buh bye! xoxo lata i love you!! |
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| tired |
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| 11:57pm 08/08/2004 |
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mood: restless
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hey iam so tired! i just finished listenign to lord of the rings!! yahooo!!!!!!!!!! SCORE! wat a bad ending! how could anyone read that for fun, i could barly listen to it, if i read that itwould of taken me a year gezzzzzzzzz! haha !! boy do i miss kyle and amy! ahhh! i miss kyle soo much!! i want him to come home right now! and amy i cant wait to see what u got me from mexico!! i cant wait to see kyle! well iam gonna go to bed soon cause i have to wake up early to go 2 neveens at 10 poop! good night! buh bye!! |
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| 07:16pm 08/08/2004 |
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mood: cheerful
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Iam just watchign the xgames n iam packing for cali, i am leaving tommarow with neveen!!! its gonna be a blast!kyle went to camp today =( but i got to talk to him whne he was there so that was cool! the xgames are so cool i wanna go there next year. i went to target today n i got these shoes that are soooo cute!! haha! and last night i spent the night at amandas, we came home from my boat, since we didnt wanna sleep there n than we went for a bike ride to get a smoothie at night. and we saw kyle in birmingham so i got to say goodbye to him before he left!!! i dont think ill be able to shut my suitcase haha.today we had steak and mashedpatatos, not wat i wanted but itw as good. i really wnated kfc n taco belll haha adam... mm that wouldof been good. alright well iam gonna go watch more xgames, i cant belive mcgrath didnt win! ahh i was counting on him! |
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kiss2039's journal
